i am here ^
Greetings friends,
I’m feeling so full and vibrant and euphoric. This full moon has ushered in a whole new reality into view for me—which I will share the details of at a later time when I am a bit more settled—you may find that it has in some form or fashion for you as well. This lunation was an interesting configuration: as the full moon came together, Mercury turned retrograde in Cancer, and Jupiter finally shifted into Leo. So much is happening that I could expend thousands of words trying to accurately encapsulate everything to exactness, but the summarized description is that this lunation was the collapse of an old reality and the birth of a new one. You may feel as if your world has split in two and something flirtatious and curious is emerging from the shell. It feels like mine has.
Our annual Capricorn full moon always hits me in a strange way, which isn’t unexpected, as it activates my twelfth house, and twelfth house matters tend to involve liminal spaces, transitional periods, introspection, and metamorphosis. I’ve noticed for me that Capricorn full moons tend to involve unexpected departures from my sense of normality and comfort, sometimes emotionally, sometimes physically. They are when the hidden processes I sense happening in the ether around me become materially represented. Capricorn full moons have held my hand through breakups, solo moves and travels, graduations, and some big emotional breakthroughs. I was once so threatened by endings, but in present times, they have my adoration.
My life has felt like it’s been decomposing for essentially the past two years, and in that, I’ve grown very accustomed to letting go and drifting away. I’ve felt like a singular meteor floating through space. With the combination of Uranus passing through my fourth house of Taurus and Pluto conjunct my ascendant, everything I’ve clung to, everything I’ve previously identified with, and everything that I’ve been able to find a sense of safety in when the rest of my life is pandemonious has been stripped from me. I am more uncomfortable with security and things working out than I am with uncertainty and things falling apart at this point in time, which has created an entirely different creature for me to tame. And while I don’t recognize myself from who I was a couple of years ago, I feel more myself than ever before.
Capricorn is an archetype of endurance and resilience; it survives not because it derives pleasure from doing so but rather because it refuses to allow the elements and circumstances pressing upon it to win. And, I suppose, in that, there may be some form of pleasure found in the accomplishment of pushing through the struggle. Capricorn refuses to be beaten down, but it’s not invincible; it will seldom ask for help, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t need, or want, it. We must check in on our Capricorn people often. The moon in Capricorn is parched and brittle; it is not offered the luxury of nourishment, comfort, and peace, and therefore, it becomes very good at operating with just the bare essentials. But we are asked through this full moon, “Just because we can, does that mean we must?”
In consideration of the Mercury retrograde, which has only recently begun, we may find that this lunation shines a light onto different potential experiences that may have created contrast around what we have grown familiar interfacing with. And perhaps what we have grown accustomed to interfacing with is something that is less than what we truly want but is something we have continued to interact with and sustain because there is nothing inherently wrong with it, despite it perhaps not nourishing us as deeply as it could. The thing is fine—as long as it is left undisturbed and maintained as is. But perhaps you’ve noticed that when you stop and ask yourself how you feel about said thing, there is a pang in your chest; you sit with that dull awareness that you’ve become comfortable tolerating a quiet and constant grief of a deeper hunger, a longing, that has not been fulfilled.
On the Cancer-Capricorn axis, we are aiming to distinguish what the appropriate balance of sensitivity and struggle is—when is it time to cut yourself some slack, and when is it time to tell yourself to suck it up and push through? In Cancer season, we are prioritizing our well-being a bit more and therefore are urged to offer ourselves more compassion, but this lunation points out to us that in order to meet our needs better sometimes, we must put ourselves in uncomfortable scenarios, address our sensitivities head-on, and choose something unfamiliar for the sake of more deeply nourishing ourselves. I have found that my aforementioned “thing” is a more stimulating environment, a deeper sense of community, and emotional intimacy. I feel quite stabilized in my little Aspen universe, but the only occupant of it is me. I am content but lonely. I know myself very well, but I crave to be known. I dream of belonging somewhere. And under this lunation I have caught a glimpse of belonging, a taste of being known, and the soft caress of a community I could settle into. It’s exciting but so very intimidating.
You may find through this lunation that a long-standing pattern or something you have been sustaining or operating through for quite a while is disintegrating to make space for something that is more heart-led and emotionally enriching, which will likely be what the Mercury retrograde will be helping us to reconfigure our lives to accommodate. This moon is much less about breaking something apart and is more about letting something that has already been decaying finally collapse. Perhaps you have learned to tolerate living in a certain framework or have decided to be content in a less-than-desirable state of being, and this lunation has pointed out to you that your reality is not as rigid and fixed as you have perceived it to be. You are not cemented into life as it is as much as you may feel you are. In consideration of Saturn being the ruler of this lunation—Saturn sitting at the degree of Aries it will soon station retrograde from—there is also the reminder that your life cannot change unless you do. We may await the circumstances of life to lay out the red carpet for us so that we can feel fully confident in the choices we are making and the directions we are moving in, but Saturn in Aries has been highlighting the importance of us creating our own assurance by acting courageously even when we aren’t fully certain about how things will unfold.
This lunation and the energies surrounding it—energies that will feel present and noticeable for the entirety of the month—are advocates for self-actualization and seizing one’s destiny without hesitation. As we venture into the second half of the year, we will find that the energetic landscape is drastically shifting; July is facilitating our last big shift from some longer-standing transits through the fire and air signs, with the north and south nodes moving into Aquarius and Leo. While I’m going to wrap this installment up, as the full moon has already passed and I am starting to lose brain power, I will leave you with this. In the coming weeks, there are going to be some radical shifts. The invitation of theirs is to move devotedly from the heart without allowing the cognitive process to derail the organic processes the spirit is trying to usher us through. We are moving into a period that will be much more aligned with operating from feeling rather than thought—not feeling as in emotion, but feeling as in feeling, the spark that ignites your soul.
Anyway, this one feels a little disjointed because I’ve spread my writing of it across too many days (LOL), but I am sending it out to you in hopes that at least one thought resonates with you. Talk to you soon.
xx, Aspen
p.s. all of these reflections were following a very transformative and beautiful festival experience (I went to electric forest and I will be back because WOW). Below are a couple snippets of my adventure. I hardly got any because I was dancing so much.
